Well here I am. Back again. Perhaps it is the effects of spring, but I feel a huge renewal happening in my life. A return to my higher self and the practices that I believe so strongly in. Things are becoming clearer than they have ever been… around my purpose, my calling, my message, relationships, self-care, just really… everything.

So… here I am world. Back again.

Infinite God within and around us, we feel Thy Presence in our souls. There is One Life and that is God. There is One perfect Presence, which is Good. Infinite Spirit within us, Eternal Presence, “I am that which thou art, thou art that which I am.” 

Let us turn to that divine and radiant center of Life, the Light that lights every person’s path, and consciously unify ourselves with the great love, wisdom, and power of the eternal One. “I am that which thou art, thou art that which I am.” 

~ from 365 Science of Mind by Ernest Holmes

Tat Tvam Asi.

Some readers may remember my mentioning the discovery of an ashram only a few miles from us. Well the founder of that ashram, a great spiritual master, still lives on the grounds. Every Monday night his students gather for arati (ceremony,) meditation and satsang (question and answer.) I’ve been going to yoga there a lot lately, but I hadn’t been to the Monday night gathering yet. It was a very interesting experience to say the least.

There were probably about 60 people total, all of them radiant with the light of awakening. We sat together in the meditation dome, listening to the guru speak – a Chicago born swami with a long beard, big belly, a kind laugh, and a quick wit.

Always wary of “gurus” I sat as an observer. I watched as kundalini appeared to be activated in the group – one man sat in the back shaking, while numerous others would throw their heads spontaneously as their guru talked.

And then, of it’s own accord, my energy began moving in a similar fashion. Chills and waves of pulsation ran up my back every few minutes. It was like nothing I’ve ever experienced. It didn’t matter what he was saying – it was just being there, near him.

They say that being in a gurus presence as much as possible is an important part of the process of awakening. Being close to someone who is already “activated” triggers an activation in you. The guru in a sense magnetizes your spine and clears blockages so energy can move.

I now know firsthand that it’s true.

I am looking forward to the next time I can be in his presence.

The yogi who gave me and my husband the introductory talk (“welcome to our ashram, these are our beliefs etc”) said that the guru, Baba  as they call him, often says that there  are no accidents. Everyone who comes to the ashram comes for a reason – that we were meant to be there at that specific time. I believe it.

I’ve wanted to find this kind of community, and a teacher (one who doesn’t live in India!!) for a long time. It will be interesting to see how this next chapter unfolds…

I need to integrate these energies in my heart. It is a common misconception that Kundalini energy only flows up, but it actually flows both ways – it is a circuit. But certain chakras that are closed block that circuit. I know it is mainly my heart chakra that is blocking my flow. I’ve known that for some time now. But I’m working on it… now… again.

Interesting story about that actually… I wear a necklace nearly everyday – a sterling silver serpent (kundalini) with gemstones along it’s body that represent the 7 chakras. A few months ago one of the gemstones fell out. The green one. The heart chakra. Well a few weeks ago I finally got around to having it replaced. The new stone is noticeably brighter and clearer than the others. Hmmmm…

What prompted my return to my spiritual life? There were probably quite a few factors to be honest, but one thing in particular that instigated the shift was a return to kirtan – chanting.

“Krishna goes on to say that there are several paths to God, according, not to people’s beliefs, but to each person’s own temperament.” I came across that last night in a book I am reading about the Bhagavad Gita. I love it!

As a singer, chant and sacred song are my path. I must have had a past life doing a lot of it because the moment I begin to chant it’s as if the door to heaven opens. I do not feel God’s presence anywhere or in any way as deeply as I do when I am singing the names of the Divine. I am always eager to share kirtan with others, but I must realize that not everyone will experience the same thing I do. Everyone needs to find their own path.

But I’ll share anyway. This recitation of the Hanuman Chaleesa in particular is what is driving my chariot at the moment. (To use a metaphor from the Gita.) It is an ancient sanskrit hymn to Lord Hanuman. It is pure beauty to me. My goal is to have it memorized by the new year. (It’s three pages long!)

A few of my favorite lines…

Durgama kaaja jagata ke jete
Sugama anugraha tumhare tete
Every difficult task in this world
Becomes easy by your grace.

Bhoota pisaacha nikata nahin aawai
Mahaabeera jaba naama sunaawai
Ghosts and goblins cannot come near,
Great Hero, when your name is uttered.

Naasai roga hare saba peeraa
Japata nirantara Hanumata beeraa
All disease and pain is eradicated,
Brave Hanuman, by constant repetition of your name.

It is good to be back. It is good to be singing again. It is good to be walking my path. Do share… what is your path?

I’ve always written. Boxes upon boxes of journals sit in my basement – many filled with romantic short stories and idealistic fantasies of a teenager. Come to think of it… the fantasies haven’t changed all that much. Their just a little more… adult now. (Okay, way more adult.)

But anyway, I’ve come to the realization as of late that since this is what I do, it really should be what I do. I’m good at it and people like my writing. So I’ve started submitting stories to publishers here and there, and what’s more – I have returned to my long lost novel.

I started it almost 6 years ago but abandoned it shortly after beginning. And yet it’s always been there in the back of my mind. Like the memory of a lost love with dark eyes and a seductive smile that whispers of the promise of passion – deep, consuming, and  - oh sorry, wrong blog. Anyway, I returned to my novel, completely reinvented it and am very happy to say it’s coming along beautifully.

So… that’s why I haven’t been here. Or paying too much attention to my spiritual life to be honest.

I have been swimming around in my lower chakras – which sorry to say is rather necessary to write good erotica. But that’s okay. I tend to be cyclical in all I do. And regardless, if I can really turn what I do into what I do, it will all be worth it. (Which I will.)